Monthly Archive for December, 2009

Sherlock Holmes Discussion

I’ve decided to stop calling these posts “reviews.” They don’t deserve the term. I basically start up talking about whatever I feel like, and what results is an unbalanced monster which may laud the single virtue of a disaster or (more likely) stomp on the tiniest imperfection in a masterpiece. This endeavor is not a balanced, counter-weighted argument, it’s a floor for discussion.

With that out of the way, “Sherlock Holmes” was just okay. Nothing to get excited about.

There were strong elements, the strongest of these being Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law in the lead performances. Their contentious but loving brotherly relationship was the brightest spot in the film. Although it is far removed from the source material, it’s a good and necessary update to the dynamic in Conan Doyle’s originals, which suited him fine but wouldn’t have been right for this picture. Law is especially good as Watson, as he must essentially reinvent his character without losing sight of the shore. I was impressed by his ability to strike a balance between the grounded, sensible foil and the tough, virile co-conspirator. The script gave him a mess of contradictory objectives but he got them all. Well done, sir.

Downey Jr. is good as Holmes, but he only really comes alive when bantering with Watson. The rest of the film gives him little to do but be a smart dude. His relationship with Irene Adler (played by Rachel McAdams) is flat and uninteresting; Doyle was right to keep her at a distance when he invented her. Since he is practically born for the role and need only tweak his Tony Stark with a British accent, Rob handles himself well, but here’s hoping the next one gives him something to do with his character.

Rachel McAdams was terrible. I can’t figure out what happened.

The movie itself is somewhat uninvolving. There is a mystery to be decoded, but not an especially good one, and the villain has no personal stakes with either of our heroes; stopping him is just a matter of procedure. The first act is relatively strong, but as the film is loaded to the brim with unnecessary action scenes, the pace starts sagging. The aforementioned set pieces lack punch, they were clearly built in an editing room with green screens doing all the heavy lifting. And anyway, it’s “Sherlock Holmes,” damn it. Come expecting mystery, and suspense, and murder, but if you come to see a fist-fight you’re just wrong, and you shouldn’t be pandered to.

As for director Guy Ritchie, I generally found that the “Guy Ritchie” moments were the strongest pieces of the film, but there aren’t quite enough of them. Going in, my assumption was that Guy would be the story’s undoing, but his drunken lullabies style actually worked fine. There can be little doubt that the producers had him on a leash, though, fearful of something “different.”

In general, that’s my biggest problem with this movie: it isn’t different enough. Too many of its pieces are meant to appease, to placate, to avoid being offensive. Holmes himself is made into some kind of Tyler Durden-Jack Sparrow hybrid, because God forbid you let the character be who he naturally is. The action scenes are trite and meaningless, all I could think watching them was, “Why?” Any movie that is dressed up to be some other movie can never amount to anything, and “Sherlock Holmes” doesn’t. It has strong pieces, most of them caused by the talented cast and crew involved, who were assembled and then, paradoxically, cut off at the knees. I was reminded of Anthony Minghella describing the sick irony of Hollywood: the thing about you that made them hire you is also what they’re most of afraid of.

So yeah, “Holmes” is a studio executive’s idea of what we all like and can’t possibly not see. It’s a movie designed for the Happy Meal, which is funny cause “Avatar” already took it. The more I think about it, the more the positive things about the movie just make me angrier, because they seem so lonely adrift in a movie meant to signify nothing.

Just So We’re Clear

Some of you have mentioned that my “Avatar” review seemed less positive than it should have been. I re-read it and realized you were right: I got wrapped up in the discussion of a few different variables, and ended up spending more time on the weaknesses than the strengths. I tried to counteract it with constant reassurances that the movie was good, but impressions are made by the evidence with the best support, so I’m not sure it made much of an impact. Understandable. Truth is, I thought “Avatar” was very good. If I had to rank it on Cameron’s filmography, it’d probably belong somewhere above “Titanic” (not hard considering that’s my least favorite of his) and “The Abyss” (which I would love more if it wasn’t for that ridiculous ending), beneath “Aliens” (MISTER Aliens to you) and “The Terminator.”

I’m one of those weird people who still kind of prefers “Terminator” classic to the much-lauded sequel. I agree that “Judgment Day” is an action movie masterpiece, but given the choice between them, I prefer the gritty lo-fi charm of the original. “Avatar” is actually very akin to “Terminator 2″ for me; in tone, pacing and plot execution they seem to be cousins. Not to mention, while I deeply admire both films, they have identical problems: useless voice over and a bit too much tough-guy posturing. Whenever James writes a character who’s supposed to be some kind of hard-a**, he’s a little too on the nose with it for me.

Still! Here’s one thing “Avatar” significantly improved from “Terminator 2:” preachiness. I used to say that movies shouldn’t be preachy, but I’ve since decided preachiness is just too delicious to write off completely. If you’re gonna do it, though, you better nail it so hard that people who would call your opinion moronic over cocktails start back-pedaling, saying “I mean, I see where he’s coming from…” T2 was, for all its strengths, a very poor attempt at convincing me of the evils of atomic weapons: nukes are bad people, because supercomputers might get a hold of them! Not quite a resonant allegory.

“Avatar,” on the other hand, is the most effective dissection of American consumerism and military-industrial obsession in the last few years. Nothing in this movie is subtle, but anyone who’s heard of the Trail of Tears isn’t calling foul on how we’re portrayed. You don’t have to like it, but I think good taste demands you take it on the chin. For some reason, Cameron’s critiques of military culture always manage to come off in good taste—maybe because he is so obviously fascinated with it. He’s made two movies explicitly about armed forces culture: “Aliens” and this one. In both cases, he drew deliberately from American conflicts (Vietnam for the former, the Native Americans this time) which we already feel weird about. This works well in his favor, keeping him out of the “crazy liberal” box. Plus which, this guy straight up loves guns, they’ve been in every movie he’s ever made, so it may be that he’s picking a fight with himself as much as anyone else.

Right, moving on.

I haven’t seen “Sherlock Holmes” yet, although I’d like to. I’m surprised to discover that it opened second this past weekend. Bummer, Warner Bros, it looks like “Avatar” is every bit the monster Paramount/20th were hoping for. All is not lost, though, because it turns out that everybody made bank anyway: “Holmes” took over $60 million home without breaking a sweat, “The Squeakuel” (God help us) and “It’s Complicated” effectively counter-programmed and walked away with good numbers. It’s one of those weird weekends where everyone is doing well. I suppose it is Christmas, after all.

In other news, my boy Chris Nolan is ready to drop some straight truth on you with the new “Inception” trailer. You’re still going to have no idea what the freaking movie is about, but you’re going to want it anyway. You may have heard I crept onto the set for a few days in LA, even grabbed a call sheet, but I’m no closer to understanding what the crap is going down. My guess is, Chris is going to keep yanking our chains until release week. I don’t blame him, the average movie trailer is expected to walk you all the way up to the climax, and filmmakers are film critics have long bemoaned this as a ruinous practice. Most movies manage to navigate this obstacle, but there have been those like “What Lies Beneath” and “Lars and the Real Girl” which were genuinely sabotaged by their own marketing. We need to seriously rethink how we make these things.

Kevin Smith’s new movie is a buddy cop comedy whose working title was “A Couple of Dicks.” Anyone who was paying attention knew for a fact that title was getting changed, especially after “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” sank like a stone in no small part thanks to its name. The new title is “Cop Out,” which functions as a name and a description of what the movie and its title are. Did Kevin Smith intend this as a little jab at his superiors? Perhaps, you can’t really know. But I love any movie title that ends up with a double function, especially when it’s not entirely intended. My personal favorite example is John Woo’s quick cash-in Ben Affleck movie, appropriately titled “Paycheck.” You just can’t write this stuff.

Seriously, though, the trailer for “Cop Out” was terrible: it’s not just that it was unfunny, it’s that it didn’t seem to have the potential for comedy. Bruce Willis looked confused, maybe I just don’t understand what his character is supposed to be yet, and Tracy Morgan was…well…loud. That’s what Tracy Morgan always is. I kind of cringed when Kevin Smith’s name was never mentioned, obvious proof that “Zack and Miri” tanking was a harder blow than it appeared. I also noticed that Kevin didn’t write this one, but I would have guessed that from the material.

This movie is just a bad idea, and it’s not going to work. Kevin must think he’s going to get out of the doghouse with a nice, agreeable mainstream product, but even if that worked, it would only allow him to keep making more of those at best. Also, Kev does not have a good track record for branching out: his audience demands a niche product that has very bad crossover appeal, but they’re not a big enough presence to justify movies with real budgets. If you ask me, his relevance is waning fast in the movie world (he’s still strong in comics and pop culture), and there’s not a whole hell of a lot he can do about it, so he might as well enjoy himself. He’s wanted to make “Red State”—an utterly grim horror-action movie somewhere in the vicinity of “Sin City”—for some time now, and I would say that’s his best bet for a resurgence. If he can make a really cool, well-received movie that plays strong for 18-35 males, I think he stands a good chance at a second-wind in that demographic. Women and Middle America aren’t going to become hardcore fans, I don’t think it’s worth trying to get them to be. Fight the battles you can win, Kev.

That said, the man has a daughter who needs to go to college someday, so he’s got to do what he’s got to do.

So why is this movie going to work? I know why the guys at the studio think it will: Bruce Willis. Wrong. Come on guys, do you even look at the returns when you release something? Let me take you on a tour of this man’s career, starting with his most recent:

“Surrogates.” A movie that sold on his image alone, and a complete flop.

“What Just Happened?” He decided to play himself again in this Robert De Niro pic about how hard it is to make movies. A flop. How many times does America have to tell you they don’t care about self-pitying “this town is hard” garbage? You’re selling to laid off car workers in Detroit and struggling school teachers in Atlanta, they really don’t care about how difficult it is for you to get Julia Roberts the perfect latte.

“Planet Terror.” He was in it for two minutes. It flopped anyway.

“Live Free or Die Hard.” Did well, both in theaters and on DVD. But let’s be honest: it was an established brand from decades ago, and it proves little.

“Perfect Stranger” Ouch. I think some guy in Denver saw it.

“The Astronaut Farmer” Cameoed briefly, and it tanked.

“Fast Food Nation” Some people saw it, maybe. But no one who’s in the room with you right now as you read this. And people who did see it didn’t care that he was in it.

“Over the Hedge” A movie with cute CGI animals that actually didn’t do well enough to spawn sequels. You have to be trying to make that happen.

“16 Blocks” A textbook example of that DVD you look at but don’t rent. Didn’t make much money. Actually pretty decent if you saw it.

“Lucky Number Slevin” Not a terrible movie, but a flop, if for no other reason than the title is confusing to pronounce, and an inside joke. Mental note, guys: movie titles should not tell their prospective customers “you had to be there.”

“Alpha Dog” The hairpiece he wore in the trailer was almost worth the price of admission…almost. Didn’t make much money, but even if it did, he was a background character.

“Hostage” Ugh.

Look I’m just going to stop, I think you see where this is going. If I were to continue, we would have landed upon such gems as “The Whole Ten Yards,” “Hart’s War,” “Bandits,” and “The Story of Us,” which equals four flops in about as many years. Bruce Willis is a star, I’m not saying he isn’t, but he’s one of the most vulnerable to genuine disasters of anyone in Hollywood. His hit-to-flop ratio is disgusting, it’s a testament to his appeal that such a titanic amount of crap hasn’t ever really knocked him down.

But that doesn’t change the fact that no matter what some idiot in a suit tells you, putting this guy in your movie doesn’t equal “hit.” Maybe “Bruce Willis meets Kevin Smith” might have—and I mean might have—but they’re not marketing it that way. This thing is supposed to stand on Willis meets Tracy Morgan alone, and that is not happening. Tracy Morgan, to me, is that guy who is hilarious when you know him in real life, but it never translates quite right to the screen. I’ll grant him that the scene at the end of the trailer where he says “No” over and over again was the best moment in the thing, but that’s not the highest praise in the world.

You watch, Dear Reader. “Cop Out” is going to flop.

“Avatar” Review/Discussion

It’s impossible to discuss “Avatar” without talking about how Paramount has released it. When they asked the waiter for the check and saw “$300 Million” at the bottom—beneath “Develop New 3D Camera Technololgy” and “Render CGI in Real Time Performance Capture”—they must have sat around the table and stared at one another blankly. No one asked “how do we go about this,” because a number like that dictates the response to anyone with common sense…

You make an event.

To this end, they were enormously successful. They more or less treated the film like a Dylan record coming out in the 60s, it was a cultural even you simply could not miss. By the time the release rolled out, swarms of people who have no interest in science fiction were trudging into the theater just so they wouldn’t fall behind at the water cooler. At some point, mass media culture becomes a bludgeoning weapon, making life literally miserable for anyone who dares not to care about the movie that’s happening here. I can’t imagine how awful these past few months have been for people who just don’t like science fiction. But then, I have little pity for them, because they don’t like science fiction.

Anyway, with that out of the way, how was the movie?

Excellent. From a technological standpoint, it’s a serious step forward. The sheer scope and breadth of it is awe-inspiring, it transforms CGI from a tool used to buff up one part of an image to a full-blown creator of worlds. This is the next step towards our weapons becoming limitless. The motion capture performances are almost scary to behold, their accuracy and sensitivity blew my mind. The Na’vi ranged from good to perfect; sometimes I knew I was seeing CG but I bought it anyway, sometimes it was so real it made me uncomfortable. The world of Pandora is gorgeous, not just in the rendering but in its conception and design.

As far as the 3-D, this was the first one I’ve ever seen where I would not have explicitly preferred the normal, 2-D image (and that includes more recent ones like “Up”). Cameron’s meticulous obsession with technology has allowed him to push it right to its breaking point, to a level where it accentuates the grand visual plain without obnoxiously violating the 4th wall. Seeing this movie has made me realize that 3-D will never be the kind of game-changer that color or sound was, because for all that effort it does nothing more than heighten what is already present. It does not create depth—or should we say the illusion of depth—because that is already done with foreground/background manipulation. For all the blood, sweat and tears that it takes to do it, it merely sweetens an effect already working seamlessly. In most cases, this results in calling too much attention to the trick, and thus the suspension of disbelief pops like a bubble.

“Avatar” never allowed the 3-D to ruin the experience, but it also added only marginally to the sense of wonderment. The real imagination work horses were the IMAX technology and stunning, WETA Workshop special effects. These were the ingredients that were taking me beyond the stars, the funky glasses I had on were just a slight boost. The highest compliment I can pay “Avatar” is that I did not mind the 3-D in it, and that’s quite a thing. But it was not and is not necessary.

Right.

So how about the story? We all know that James Cameron is a guy with too much on his mind for pesky things like dialogue, so of course you have some over-cooked tough guy speeches and several conversations which exist for the purposes of exposition only (why is Giovanni Ribisi explaining to Sigourney Weaver that they’re here to mine that special rock? She of all people would know that). That I can accept as a part of the style. I had a much bigger problem with Sam Worthington’s voice over, which wouldn’t shut-up for the first twenty minutes and then kept re-emerging sporadically through the climax. If you’ve ever heard that atrocious Harrison Ford VO from the theatrical release of “Blade Runner,” you know what you’re in for. Its content fell into two categories:

1. Yes, Thank You, I Got That: observations so bleeding obvious you can’t fathom why you’re hearing them.

2. Quick Fix: plot points and expositional details that are flagrantly not earned by the movie proper, and often completely irrelevant to what’s happening.

The second tends to result from reading too many whiny blogs (like this one), the first is just a crutch and there’s no excuse for it. The beginning of the movie has severe pacing issues because of this clumsy, lumbering thing. Lead character Jake Sully keeps informing us, “I’m a hardcore dude. You don’t want to mess with me. But I’m in a wheel chair. Watch me brood. Mmm, yeah, that’s nice.”

Word of advice to any screenwriter: never, never, never have a character inform the audience that they are a bada**. We audience members reserve the right to be impressed by something cool, and then confer that status on you. You don’t just get it for a gravelly voice.

Okay, okay, I’m just being hard on Cameron. Lord knows it’s easy for me to sit here on my computer, smugly assessing 14 years of backbreaking work. Let’s get back to the positives: solid story, delicate execution, sincere emotional investment. Nothing in this plot is new, but if you’re that guy who points that out on the way to the car, everyone hates you. The story is involving, it relishes the intricacies of Na’vi culture, and the awesome scope of the human weapons, and the mind-bending-ly cool flying mountains and rushing waterfalls. You may hear snide comments about “Dances with Wolves meets Pocahontas,” but there’s no reason to keep the story from what it wants to be for the sake of Walt Disney and Kevin Costner. The characters are well fleshed out and believable, they make intelligent decisions and command our respect or fear. I give Jim tremendous credit for how thoroughly he invested me in the plight of the Na’vi, for how much I came to admire and look up to the way they lived. The love story between Jake and Neytiri is also great, deftly avoiding any “Planet of the Apes” (the Tim Burton) bizarreness. It should say something about the quality of the technology here that Zoey Saldana and Sam Worthington had powerful chemistry, and I never saw both of them together in the same shot. As a person who tought “Titanic’s” love story sucked, I’m relieved to find Cameron back on his A-game.

“Avatar” at its heart is a rousing parable about our treatment of Native Americans. It’s a tasteful and appropriate critique of ourselves, an acknowledgment of the baser parts of our collective nature. Seeing a film like this makes me proud to be an American; these jerks in the Middle East who want to kill us would never have the balls to write/attend movies with themselves as the bad guys. Their world view is too narrow, their hearts too shut out to any perspective but their own.

As for the acting, it ranges from good to great. Sam Worthington gives his best performance yet, which is to say I did not mind him. This guy drives me crazy, because his agent seems to think he can just leap-frog the crucible of building a career and become a star immediately, without our approval. Only an insanely gifted performer gets to do that, and so far I’m not seeing it. He came off like a knuckle-head in “Terminator: Salvation.” Here he’s fine, I thought he handled the role adequately, but his tough guy shtick is a little wooden. We already have a Mark Wahlberg, Sam. If “Avatar” has a weakness, it’s that its lead actor is simply good enough, while almost every other element around him is stunning.

On the other hand, Stephen Lang, Sigourney Weaver, Giovanni Ribisi, and especially Zoey Saldana are all wonderful. Lang chews scenery with great relish, taking some pretty poorly written dialogue and finding the fun in it. Weaver is great as a hard-nails environmentalist, Ribisi has fun as a “Boiler Room” variety corporate fiend, but Saldana takes the cake here. Her performance is absolutely electric, she makes the audience fall in love with Neytiri immediately. I admit I’m stunned at this; she was good in “Star Trek,” but nothing that blew my mind. Who knew she was capable of such a rich performance? Credit must also go to James Cameron, who can add Neytiri to his long line of beautifully written empowered female characters. This man writes tough women expertly.

The action contained in the movie is great. I liked the spectacle, but more than that I just admired how well choreographed it all was. I had a clear sense of space all the time, even when the fighting was high in the air and surrounded by floating mountains. The interplay between human actors and motion capture was better than anyone else has ever done it, period. It sets a new bar.

All told, I found “Avatar” to be a deeply satisfying science fiction romp, a movie that justifies the “event” status it has been given. James Cameron is a man known for vision, and here we see exactly why that is. “Transformers 2″ and “GI Joe” had almost soured me on the big-budget spectacle genre, but along comes the King of the World to show us that when the characters are given their due, and the story is told with skill and depth of feeling, the blockbuster is still relevant as ever.

And Other Things

Do you watch “Dexter,” dear reader? If so, did you see the season finale a few nights ago? If you did, perhaps you are aware that they CROSSED THE LINE! That was NOT COOL!

Ahem.

I’m sorry. I’ll get over this, really.

(GAMING TALK: Skip if uninterested)

“Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2″ has stubbornly refused to retract its claws from me, and I doubt it will release me any time soon. I’m realizing now that the fundamentals of its multiplayer components are thoroughly, almost stubbornly, sound, relying on a constant wave of positive reinforcement to keep you playing. “Halo 3″ is a surprisingly negative game: lose two games in a row, or quit a round early, and it starts taking thingsfrom you. MW2 is, frankly, infinitely more cunning in its understanding of human nature. The game is just happy you’re playing, so as long as you continue to do so, you keep getting stuff. You’re running along shooting guys, and suddenly you hear an electric guitar bang out a power chord, and a message flashes across your screen: “Marksman I”

Marksman I? What the hell is that?

“+859 Points!” (it’ s always a weirdly specific number like that)

All right!

Only when you research it later do you realize that the game had been silently waiting for you to get 100 kills with this particular weapon, or while crouched, or on a Tuesday, or whatever. Infinity Ward, bless their hearts, are just making up excuses to pat their customers on the back: “You shot 20 guys after reloading, nice work!” It’s carrot and stick minus the stick. Personally, I prefer that approach; I gave you guys sixty hard-earned dollars, so hell yes I’d like you to treat me like some kind of genius. Even though I adore “Halo 3″ down to my bones, I realize now that I just don’t play it often because it’s like having a freaking job. If I just had a long day and I want to unwind, do I wanna see a toy I purchased for my amusement demote me? Games should not punish you, period; they can make you do something over, but actually taking away what you had previously earned because you didn’t play well enough is…unnecessary.

I know Bungie’s answer to this: it’s not a punishment, we just want to put you against the right people. I call BS on this. They can plug their ears and sing “lalalala,”  but they still know damned well that those ranks are personal for people who play the game. Pretending like no one should be offended when they’re dropped from a 32 to a 31 is just not realistic.

(GAMING TALK Over)

The trailer for Ridley Scott’s new flick “Robin Hood” just emerged, I snuck a look and I’m not really blown away. It was one of those teasers where they strip out even the faintest mention of a story and just quick-cut between people getting impaled. This tells you a lot about where they’re going with the film’s marketing, or at least where they’re starting out: 18-35 males. It’s not a very impressive opening volley, and honestly it feels a little 90s, if I can use that term. Ridley ran into this problem with “Body of Lies” as well: an excellent film that came off like a dinosaur from the age of Michael Bay, and got passed over. The irony was, “Lies” itself was anything but outdated: it was a taut, brainy, sophisticated thriller that better captured the American-Middle Eastern conflict than most movies. But the trailers pitched it as “The Rock” in Afghanistan, and it went nowhere. I think they should reconsider how this dude’s films get marketed.

I’m also surprised to discover that they’re running with that whole “true story behind the legend” thing; I would have thought the floundering failure of “King Arthur” was example enough not to retread that path. I see why people think a stripped down myth will work, since gritty, realistic reinvention has applied itself so well in the world of superheroes. The problem is, “Arthur” and movies like it misapply the lessons of this technique: they take out the supernatural elements, rework narratives we already liked, and come out with something that isn’t the movie we paid for. You have to be very careful when you do these grounded versions of classic stories not to get too snooty about them. The team behind “Arthur” would have had a blockbuster on their hands if they had shot the film in the same style, but kept Merlin, dragons, and all that good stuff.

That’s the secret to modern blockbusters: making the incredible real. We live in an age of scientific discovery; we’re constantly beating back our old preconceptions about the magical qualities of the world, and whether we admit it or not, sometimes we get tired of it. Sometimes we get fed up with how flat and spiritless the world has started to feel. “Batman Begins” wasn’t successful because it was gritty, it was successful because it was gritty but Batman still had a sweet car. The satisfaction is not from taking out the fantastic, but from making the fantastic tangible. “Robin Hood” seems to be on dangerous territory in this respect: I know they flirted with making the titular hero and the Sheriff of Nottingham the same person—an idea that only a screenwriter would like—and even though they backed off of that one, the air of this movie is still too removed. There’s nothing visual here to connect us to the icon.

Watching the trailer, I realize for the first time why this movie is being made: it’s a sequel to “Gladiator.” I don’t know how I missed it. Russell Crowe was launched into the stratosphere by Ridley Scott, and now that he’s had some duds and his reputation is on the rocks, he’s returning to the thing that got him started in the first place. Not really a terrible decision, but I hope the people pumping this thing out have a plan for getting women into the theater. I don’t know for sure, but I’m fairly certain the ladies have turned their backs on Russell, and he’s going to need them back to recapture his old spark. I’ve read fascinating stuff on why Maximus was such an appealing character to women: he was strong but didn’t like violence, a devoted family man, he could beat a thug off of you and write you a poem on the same day. This is also why Jason Bourne does so well, people in this country admire and relate to the reluctant warrior (not to be confused with the coward or the pacifist…we hate both). America wants to be Maximus.

My point is, “Robin Hood” is an attempt to make lightning strike twice. Will it? I’m not so sure. The Middle Ages are kind of a downer, that’s why the closest we ever get to them in the cinema is “Lord of the Rings.” And with Crowe’s reputation as the sensitive hunk destroyed by bizarre incidents and strange career choices, I don’t think this movie is going to carry the kind of weight that “Gladiator” did. I’m sure some dudes will go see it, but frankly, some dudes will go see anything.

Should/Will Christopher Nolan Do “Batman 3″

(This is the post I famously lost, finally reconstructed. There will be a lot of typos, just bear with me, I had to write it over a period of days, and the spurts were very intense).

Ah, and so begins the eternal debate. Heath Ledger has passed on, “The Dark Knight” is probably the most successful comic book movie ever made, and Christopher Nolan has to decide if he’s coming back for round three. There’s no way to meaningfully have this debate without considering it on two separate axes: should he do it, and will he do it. If you try to isolate one, you end up talking about the other too. We can’t know the man’s mind, he’s notoriously secretive, and his comments to the press contradict themselves and lead nowhere. Some days he seems to be in a good mood, and makes mention of “ideas” that he’s batted around with the creative team. Other days, he sounds more pessimistic, and he goes on about how third movies are never any good. The point is, this movie isn’t coming out any later than 2012, and it’s a massive production, so Warner Brothers is going to move one way or the next before too long. It’s crunch time.

I always like putting myself in positions where I could be completely wrong, because it helps keep me humble. So, allow me to bat (no pun intended!) these questions around, consider the arguments, and arrive at my predictions for each of them. Then, when word gets out, you can either laugh at me derisively or concede my unremitting brilliance. You can go ahead and do the second one anyway.

ROUND ONE: Will Christopher Nolan do a third Batman movie?

Arguments For: Of course he will. The narrative is not finished. Chris talks a big game about not saving anything for the sequel, but even he cannot deny that both of his films about the Caped Crusader end with question marks; there’s more story here and he knows it. I don’t doubt that he always intends to say everything he wants to say, but unlike any of his other projects, the very nature of the Batman narrative demands that things cannot come to a neat conclusion yet. At the end of “Begins,” Batman stood on the brink of a long career, preparing to face down challenges that would define him as a man. At the end of “The Dark Knight,” he finds himself at a Pyrrhic Victory (look it up), his principles intact at the cost of unbearable sacrifices, and the city’s future is far from certain. In both cases, we have resolutions, deeply gratifying character arcs which are expertly completed. But not endings, nothing has ended here. Even after Two Face’s (presumed) death, Batman is not really Batman yet. He is young, inexperienced, clumsy. Anyone who argues that there is no more fresh meat for a compelling story is simply incorrect. Nolan himself has stated that they have a sense of what the third film could be, and this dude does not make such a statement lightly. It’s not like Goyer and Jonah are sitting in a room staring at a blank sheet of paper saying, “We got nothing.” The story is there. It’s just a question of developing and telling it.

Chris loves the Batman movies, but even putting that aside, you can’t argue that he’s finished with them. He’s not. The fight scenes were okay, but anyone who compares TDK to “Begins” can see that Nolan is still figuring action scenes out. The first time, he tried for shaky-cam, and the results were mixed. The sequel doesn’t contain a single jumpy-edit fight scene, so clearly he scrapped that and started looking for something else (and indeed, he has said so in interviews). The car chases I think he feels pretty good about, but the hand-to-hand stuff is still developing. And who can deny that the Batman voice needs work? They had a pretty good one in “Begins,” then they blew past the mark with TDK, so the third time is likely going to be a charm. How can Nolan resist perfecting his craft with the knowledge he’s gained from the first two movies? We all know that he was dissatisfied with the Bat-suit from “Begins,” and a strong impetus to return was the desire to get it right (which he did). There are still more fine points to iron out.

As for the concern that Ledger’s death changes things, that goes against Nolan’s basic rule of never saving anything for the next round. He made his Joker movie, and whatever the Clown’s presence in Batman 3 might have been, there’s no way it was primary. The movie is not undone by Heath’s passing.

One last point: notice how secretive everyone is being. Would the Nolan creative team really be so hush-hush about a movie they had no intention of doing? I mean, what’s with all the sealed lips if they’re just jumping ship? It doesn’t make any sense. He’s coming back.

Argument Against: He’s not coming back, the dude is done. First of all, it took hell and high water to sign him on for “The Dark Knight.” Sequels is not how Chris Nolan rolls. David Goyer and Warner Brothers had to pin him in a corner and noogie him until he agreed to another go (metaphorically). All his so-called “talk” about making the movie he wants and then being done with it is anything but. He means it. Look at his catalog, this guy is not a franchise filmmaker. He likes definitive stories, things that open and close for good. He returned to “The Dark Knight” for one reason and one reason only: to do the Joker. He’s admitted that, he wanted to do the Joker. Okay, fine, he did the Joker, and he did it better than anyone else could have. It’s over. Everybody knows you can’t top the Clown Prince of Crime, there’s no villain in Batman’s admittedly extraordinary rogue’s gallery that matches his arch-nemesis. There’s nowhere to go but down, and that also is not how Nolan rolls. What are they gonna do now, the Riddler? Please. Catwoman? Bane? Mad Hatter? Are you seriously suggesting that even these characters combined matches the Joker?

And anyway, he’s said what he wanted to say. I mean he burned down Wayne Manor, killed or incapacitated all the best villains, and blew up the Batmobile—anybody else catching the hint? Those who argue that Batman has not “matured” yet have not been paying attention to Chris Nolan’s view of Batman. This is a grounded take on the character, and the Dark Knight was never going to transform into some stunning crime-fighting machine. He’s always going to make mistakes and be kind of clumsy, because that knock-around quality is the heart of this take on the entire franchise. This is not a comic book, this is the (sort of) real world where punches hurt and rubber suits slow you down.

Also, Heath Ledger is gone. No one can look at the end of “The Dark Knight” and avoid one simple fact: the Joker was coming back. As the lead villain? No. But there were still substantial things to do with the character, and it seems perfectly obvious he was going to do them. With Heath gone, a man who is already prone to avoiding sequels just got one more reason to stay away. I mean it would’ve been a hard sell if everything had been perfect, but now he’s not even going to get to make the movie he would want to. Please, this cat is done.

ROUND TWO: Should Christopher Nolan do a third Batman movie?

Argument Against: Goodness gracious no. Hell no. Stay as far away from that thing as you can, it’s career poison. Getting away with a sequel that surpasses the original is quite a thing, but even Francis Ford Coppola got bit when he went back to the petting zoo too many times on “The Godfather.” I don’t deny that Chris would make a quality motion picture out of “Batman 3,” but what the hell good does that do if no one notices? People aren’t going to watch the movie he makes, they’re going to watch the movie in their heads and then get annoyed when that’s not what’s on the screen. If he bows out now, some other jerk can step in, fail to live up to expectations, and then everyone will fantasize about how great Chris’ movie would have been. That’s the sad truth about human nature: we prefer the movie he doesn’t make to the movie he does.

No one should mistake “Batman 3″ for a “challenge.” A Rubicks Cube is a challenge, this is a suicide mission. Meeting the expectations for this movie will be like playing a game of Calvinball, everything will constantly be shifting against Nolan’s favor. If they go the action heavy route, we’ll all gripe about the story (a la “X-Men 3″); if they go for story, we’ll gripe about the action (a la “Superman Returns”). If they nail both, we’ll gripe about the length. There is no right answer here, because the freshness of Nolan’s bold take on comic books is gone. Each “Batman” movie up until now was a sneak attack on an unsuspecting audience, still chuckling and feeling superior after “Batman and Robin.” But they’re wise now, and now they’re going to sit smugly in the theater and demand your movie be so good it cure cancer. It’s not that people want you to fail, it’s that they want you to succeed too much.

Let’s be honest: Chris needs his mystique. He doesn’t make family-friendly films, so his edge and popularity amongst snobs is his bread and butter. Pumping out crass sequels which exist for financial reasons does not bode well for that. He can’t be the guy who doesn’t know when to get off the train, and he definitely can’t screw the franchise up and then escape out the back door. He leaves now, it’s an Honorable Discharge; he leaves after 3, and he’s slipping out with a slap on the wrist….which will be crap, because I’m sure the movie will be fabulous. But if it doesn’t cure cancer, it isn’t going to be good enough.

So far, Nolan has exemplified business smarts. He was careful to do a movie in between “Begins” and TDK, a savvy move that kept his reputation in a good place and broadened his spectrum. “Inception” is an even smarter choice, because it’s got a giant budget and huge stars, it’s coming out in the summer, and it’s probably going to be a hit. This is just A-level movie politics, it basically puts him at the wheel of two tent-pole success stories at the same time. No other director since Spielberg has so adroitly positioned himself, walking a tightrope between mega-director status and indie credibility. Even those who think “The Prestige” was a disappointment must now realize it was likely a stepping stone to the gigantic “Inception.” Every single move has been flawless. He even did the impossible and topped a great original with a sequel. To do a third movie will only slightly increase his reputation as a Batman director, since people will be expecting greatness now. There won’t be this amazement when it’s really good, there’ll be, “Hey, that didn’t move me to tears and blow my mind with special effects while also feeding my cat and doing my taxes for me! What a crap movie!”

For the love of all that is good and holy, Chris Nolan’s agent, talk him into leaving this franchise. He’s got his own things to deal with now, his own bright future. Let some other tool box come screw the third Bat-flick up.

Argument For: Of course he should do another Batman movie! To even suggest he shouldn’t is ridiculous. Sure, “The Dark Knight” was a great accomplishment, but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend that it was perfect. That Bat-voice needed some work, the fist-fights are still not perfect, and…er…okay, so it’s hard to come up with flaws in that movie, but still! We’re not dealing with Hitchcock making “Psycho” here, this is not a director at the peak of his powers. Just because both flicks were blindingly good doesn’t mean we’ve hit the ceiling, and it’s rather presumptuous to assume otherwise.

Okay, yes, the Rotten Tomato-meter might settle for a robust 86%. That is not the end of the world. Or it might not, you never know. “The Bourne Ultimatum” was a big pile of inconsequential nonsense and everyone called it the best in the series, just because people loved Bourne. “Return of the King” won all those Oscars when it was really the second-best in the series (”Fellowship” is still the top of the pile). “Episode III” got free kisses from everyone when it had all the same problems of the first two. Batman 3 has a lot more in common with these movies than it does with something like “The Godfather Part III”: it’s being made fairly soon after the last one by the same creative team, and there is without question more story left in the characters. Undeniably, you’re going to get snot-nosed critics beginning their reviews with, “No one could replace Heath Ledger,” even though they know there’s nothing anyone could do about that. But so what? If the movie is good, people are going to be happy. They’ll get the Blu Ray, they’ll argue with their friends about whether “Begins” or “Batman 3″ is best, you’ll have a bona fide trilogy masterpiece.

But more than that, leaving now is unwise for Chris on a professional level. Yeah, he’s doing great and everyone’s happy for him, but he’s also not a household name by any stretch of the imagination. His work is too dark and edgy for mainstream America, the silent majority only likes him when he’s tempered by the blockbuster genre. Put him in a popcorn movie, he gives it that extra kick that makes the inevitable happy ending all the better, and that’s wonderful, but it’s a whole new ball of wax when he pumps out a $200 million movie starring one of his typical obsessing, unsympathetic protagonists. Indie kids love Leonard Shelby, but average Joe or whoever finds him weird. They don’t latch on like they will to the noble warrior Jason Bourne, or the lovable rascal Jack Sparrow, and so forth. Nowhere will this better be displayed than when “Inception” comes out next summer and does good but not stunning business. “The Prestige” turned profit easily because it was small, but that flick’s ticket sales would not recoup the kind of money that’s going to go into “Inception.” This thing has to hit theaters like a wrecking ball, and there’s no reason to believe it will. It has stars, but DiCaprio is on Forbes’ overpaid list (unfairly, but he is), Page hasn’t escaped the “Juno” vortex, and Gordon Levitt is still building his foundations. None of these people are Will Smith, they can’t carry you to the finish line. Maybe the script is great, but we don’t live in a fair world, and if there’s some better-established brand hitting around the same time, “Inception” could be in real trouble. Point is, you don’t want to get this far with “Batman” just to end up hinging your future on a new, untested IP. If Nolan makes Bat-3 AND “Inception,” he’s guaranteed some success with a good shot at stunning, overwhelming victory.

Also, you leave “Batman” right now and you run the risk of someone stepping in and improving on your work. I know it’s unlikely, but it is possible, and if it happened it would be far worse for “indie cred” than doing a slightly-less-stunning third act. Nolan has only had one colossal hit so far, and that’s “The Dark Knight” (”Begins” was the textbook definition of “moderate success”). If he does the third picture, he’s guaranteed disgusting amounts of money no matter what the movie’s like, and that will bring his number up to 2 (”Inception” could also sneak up from behind and make that 3). At that point, he would have a genuine hit-maker reputation, and could begin to really muscle his way around town. Right now, muscling would be quite presumptuous.

People who advocate him leaving always cite “history,” claiming that third movies disappoint and diminish careers. Very well, but perhaps there is a precedent for directors jumping ship and cashing in their chips too soon as well. Doug Liman started the “Bourne” franchise, but Greengrass takes all the credit while he sank with “Jumper.” Bryan Singer abandoned X-3 for “Superman Returns,” but both ended up tanking, and with the failure of “Valkyrie,” the man’s career is demonstrably lower than it was five years ago. People wanted Bryan for the third round, and in a way I think they were reluctant to forgive him when he left.

Directors often get a little heady when things are going good: they taste some victory and want to immortalize themselves too soon, so they rush away and stumble. Look at Spielberg’s career: the dude never left a franchise until the people were okay with it. Did that lead him to some mediocre sequels? Sure. But people don’t resent a little bit of disappointment, they resent huge, crushing failure. “Spiderman 3″ and “The Lost World” cannot be compared in this way; one was an embarrassment that harmed everyone in it (and deservedly so), the other was a movie people just complained about. Richard Schiff, Vince Vaughn, Jeff Goldblum, Spielberg himself, they all profited from being involved, their careers all accelerated. Since I find it unlikely that Chris is going to insert a dance number in Bat-3, I think it’s safe to say that the worst case scenario if he returns is that some people will gripe. Not the end of the world.

So hear this, folks who control Nolan’s future: keep him in place. He’s on the fast track to becoming a living legend, but if you let him get too precious about his successes, he’ll lack the humility to make the movies his audience wants. The people want another Bat-flick from this guy, and he’s not yet the kind of titan who can refuse them and not suffer for it.

PS: The Academy Awards people know they screwed you, Chris, so much so that there are now ten nominees for the Big Prize. The year they snubbed you, they got the worst ratings in their history. If Batman 3 holds the line on TDK’s adult, sophisticated drama, they’re going to give you a Best Picture nod. I guarantee you. How’s that for living up to expectations?

AND NOW MY VERDICT…

SHOULD Christopher Nolan do a third Batman movie: You know, when I wrote this article the first time and lost it, my answer was “no.” This time, I honestly think I argued the point better and now I’m changing sides. Yes. He should. I think the Bryan Singer case study is very relevant, and should inform his decision intensely—his situation and Bryan’s are incredibly similar. Leaving now would be depriving yourself of stunning success and widespread recognition just so bloggers will say how cool you are. Not worth it.

WILL Christopher Nolan do a third Batman movie: Yup. The secrecy argument, as famously coined by Jett at Batman-on-Film, is the deal-breaker. In the time since I’ve written this, Morgan Freeman has come out publicly stating that he can’t fathom Nolan not returning. Even that aside, Chris likes to challenge himself, and this franchise still has a lot of juice left in it. He knows he hasn’t mastered every corner of the action blockbuster yet, and I don’t think he’ll rest till he does.

Reviews

While I try to work up the moral fortitude to finish that blog entry that was scuttled by wayward internet connections, allow me to give you snapshot reviews of four movies I watched today (by sneaking into theaters, yes). It’s an interesting smattering, and I have thoughts on each:

1. Fantastic Mr. Fox—absolutely delightful. Completely charming and wonderful. Wes Anderson is a director I’m growing to deeply admire, as he has such a unique voice, and expresses it tangibly in the production of the film. Hack directors will try to compensate for blandness with crazy camera moves, but Anderson’s touch is in every costume, every piece of set dressing. This film, although stop-motion animated, is no different. The story revolves around a cunning fox who pines for his former life as a chicken thief. Forced by his saintly wife into an honest profession, Fox can’t help but slip back into old habits, with disastrous and hilarious results.

The golden question for parents (Brady and Holly, I’m sure you’re interested here) is: “Can I bring my kids?” The second golden question is, “Will I want to end my life once I do?” The answers are yes and no. “Fox” is suitable for all ages, and adults will have a lovely time. I do admit, though, that I’m very curious how an actual child would react to this thing. Unlike a Pixar film, whose sensibilities are always very straightforward and earnest, “Fox” is a profoundly ironic film. It doesn’t wink quietly at the parents, it just winks at everybody, and I wonder if the kid audience will be left feeling kind of ignored. Make no mistake, this movie isn’t really for your kids, it’s for you. It’s completely clean, has tons of adventure and talking animals, and supplies a deliciously upbeat ending (to the tune of Boby Fuller Four’s “Let Her Dance,” which I have promptly acquired on iTunes), but nonetheless there’s nothing covert about how sophisticated the humor is. I think it’s possible that kids will be slightly confused by this film, but they won’t be able to explain why.

On the other hand, and I can’t stress this enough, it’s just a wonderful film. The music, both original and soundtrack, is absolutely delightful, the acting (supporting cast includes Bill Murray, Meryl Streep, Willem Dafoe, Jason Schwartzman, etc) is terrific, and story has just the right twist of sardonic wit and sadness to make things interesting. There’s a painfully human story at this film’s core about dying legends, heroes with personalities too large for everyday life. It’s territory that “The Incredibles” explored as well, but “Fox” is more deft in its conclusion…which is to say it doesn’t have one. There’s an ending, all right, and a happy-go-lucky one at that, but the very last shot before the credits leaves a wry question mark on the proceedings. I’ll leave you to see it for yourselves and discuss.

2. Ninja Assassin—Crap. I’m really angry about how bad this movie was. Someone owes me some kind of apology.

3. The Road—as a person who read the book, I was reasonably pleased with this interpretation. John Hillcoat was a pretty solid decision for the director’s chair, although he retains a few bad habits from “The Proposition” which he should have done away with. The biggest one is music. Like his previous film, he brought Nick Cave in to do the score, and two problems result: first, the score isn’t good. Second, it’s in the film way too often. Anyone who’s read Cormac McCarthy’s original knows that there should be scarcely a drop of music in this movie, and yet they plastered cues all over it. Mistake. The other bad habit he couldn’t seem to shake was voice over narration. As I was listening to it, I became profoundly annoyed at how the simple, effective imagery lying underneath it was being smothered. Most of the time, Mortensen’s half-hearted dictations were explaining things I would have known anyway from what I was seeing. We see the father walking along with his son, and the narrator helpfully explains: “I’ll do whatever it takes to protect the boy” (or something like that). I just rolled my eyes and went, “No, really? I couldn’t freaking tell.” What’s the point of staging a scene, composing the blocking, adjusting the body language of the actors, and picking the angle of your camera, if you’re not going to let all of those elements do their jobs?

Still, they really did evoke the desolation of the novel quite well, and I especially commend their gentle tweaking of the book’s pacing to keep things sharp and satisfying. Both stories have a very uneven flow, every turn of the plot is surprising and yet logical, but in McCarthy’s take this sometimes resulted in a front-loaded, anticlimactic experience. The movie maintains all the major beats, almost in exact order, and yet deftly avoids this problem by systematically reducing the downtime between each one until there isn’t any. By the end, every scene is a gripping standoff, even if that standoff involves far fewer people than the ones in the beginning. This technique works wonders, and provides what I think is a slightly more efficient narrative flow. Acting also goes a long way, Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee work hard to increase the sense of desperation and fear as the story progresses. The latter is a decent child actor, but not the best I’ve seen recently (that goes to the kids in “2012″), and it did feel like his acting had an invisible ceiling of intensity it couldn’t get past. Mortensen was note-perfect, but of course he was. Robert Duvall also shows up and does stupendous work. Again, not exactly shocking.

All told, the book is still better, but I think the team behind this flick succeeded admirably anyway. Not only did they do a respectable job, they found a few areas where they could make improvements to their Pulitzer-Prize-winning material, and that ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at.

4. New Moon—…yeah, we saw it. Does “morbid curiosity” mean anything to you? Let me be frank here: this is not a good movie, but “Ninja Assassin” was far worse. It’s corny and stupid, sure, but it also held my interest the entire time, and I found myself more involved than I’d care to admit. I think your reaction to “New Moon” will be dictated by your previous experience. If you’ve never seen “Twilight,” you’re going to laugh your head off and hate it. If you have seen the previous film, and I have, most likely you will walk out of the theater quite surprised at how far they’ve come. Yes, I said “how far they’ve come.” Go watch the first one and then we’ll talk. The original entry to this series was a ship with no one at the wheel, veering wildly in the winds of indecision. The special effects were insulting, the dialogue was ridiculous, and the tone was all over the place. It was just shoddy work in general.

“New Moon” is a much more careful piece of film making, everything has the feel of actual effort. I know some of you can’t believe what you’re hearing right now, but I need you to take a deep breath and try to make the distinction between a “bad” movie and a movie that’s simply not designed for you. “Twilight” was a bad movie, “New Moon” just isn’t for me. It’s a soap opera with werewolves and vampires, but it owns that identity and has no illusions about it. It’s corny, but on purpose, and that does make all the difference. The dialogue sucks a lot less, the special effects are actually good, and the tone maintains much more smoothly. Chris Weitz taking over behind the camera was a smart move, he seems in control here.

I feel fortunate to have seen “Twilight” and “Ninja Assassin” before this movie, because those disappointing experiences have allowed me to observe virtues in this movie I would not have noticed otherwise. By the end of “Assassin,” I had thrown my hands in the air. There were no characters anywhere in the movie, no story, nothing made any sense, the fight scenes were incomprehensible, I was so frustrated I didn’t know what to say. When “New Moon” landed on its closing credits, I was laughing my head off, but I was also having a perfectly good time. There were characters. There was a story. I could tell what was going on. Add to that a complete lack of pretension and a light, breezy pace, and you get a film I absolutely do not hate. We men are allowed to have our B-movies. If “New Moon” is the B-movie for girls, I am fine with that.

It reminds me of my brother’s review of “The Matrix Revolutions” all those years ago: “People told me it was terrible, but it’s not. It’s just kind of dumb.”

ARRRHGHGHOSIDHFSDFOPJASF

I wrote a REALLY good post last night, Dear Reader. Long and involved. And then my stupid internet crapped out and it’s gone. I’m trying to rewrite it and I just feel…drained. I can’t do it. I’m going to keep trying, please hold on.

Arrrrgghghhh!!!!!