Monthly Archive for October, 2009

Halloween…?

Published on October 31, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Happy Halloween, everyone! A brief glance at Wikipedia informs me that this mystical holiday has its roots in a Celtic festival designed to ring in the end of summer. Seems the old Irish used the occasion to prepare for the darker half of the year, and as such the occasion evolved gradually into a time during which Western culture collectively gazes into the night and whispers, “Ooh, spooky!” There’s something psychologically healthy about embracing the things that go bump in the night in a controlled atmosphere, joining hands and taking one fragile step into the unknown. For indeed, life itself is uncertain and filled with terror, so in a way we embrace our time on this planet by fully acknowledging every facet of it. Yes, Halloween is a wonderful, creepy time.

But apparently no one told my wife that, because as I write this there is an army of women crammed into our bathroom with her, making her hair do things which were heretofore confined to Renaissance paintings. The floor is thick with purses, of every shape and size, eviscerated of every beauty product they contained. There is enough hairspray in the air to stop a team of oxen in their tracks. I was paying attention to what they were doing at first, but when I found my toolbox had been retrieved from the closet, and several wrenches removed, I backed away slowly with my palms facing outward at belly-button level. This is not a thing a man was meant to witness.

Let’s face it: Halloween has become something more than just a spooky holiday. It’s an excuse to be free, a one-time opportunity to vent out all the fashion statements you long to make but know society wouldn’t accept. I’ve often felt that you can tell a lot about a person based on their costume. Halloween outfits trend towards three basic poles: exotic, deranged, and comedic. Most women I know embrace only the first, most men the last two (there are boatloads of exceptions, though). Whatever people do, I think it stems from the same basic urge: to expose oneself in a more profound way than normal life will permit. It’s probably best that such behavior is confined carefully to a single holiday, but it always reminds me of the Genesis passage where Adam and Eve rush to conceal their nudity. We are always putting on appearances in front one another.

Sorry, did I go all philosophical on you there, Dear Reader? Get out there and scare somebody, Happy Halloween!

Also

Published on October 25, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Now that I’m thinking about it, “The Vampire’s Assistant” bombed. I mean it tanked hard. You had quite a weekend, American moviegoer: you gave the top two spots to interesting, high-quality fare (”Paranormal,” “Wild Things”), and ignored a slew of crappy, over-demographic-ed new releases. In all honesty, I feel legitimately bad for “Astro Boy” and “Amelia,” especially the former, whose production costs were easily in the $60 mill range. Who thought this was going to work, honestly? On this weekend? They spent an ungodly amount of money on a character no one in America has ever heard of (which would be fine, except they acted as if we had heard of him), and then shuffled the thing quietly out the back door. It was almost like a science experiment measuring failure.

As for “Amelia,” I think you needed killer reviews on that one, and they didn’t get them. We’re all a bit burned out on biopics. Also, if I can be quite blunt here: Hilary Swank does not draw an audience. I’m sorry, she doesn’t, have you looked at the returns on “The Reaping?” Or “PS I Love You?” Or “Freedom Writers?” Do you even remember all of those movies? We’ve already discussed the brutality women have to endure to become a box office draw, and Swank scuttled her chances by starting off playing a freaking dude, before following up with a series of decidedly masculine roles a la “Million Dollar Baby.” That means the men don’t lust after her, and the women don’t want to emulate her. I know, I know, it’s horribly unfair, especially because Hilary is gorgeous and very talented, but it is what it is. If you ask me, she needs to take some supporting roles on higher-end projects for awhile, get her credibility in a good place. Ridley Scott, James Cameron, Martin Scorsese, these are the names she needs to start getting next to hers on IMDb. Her leap for the top-line was clumsy and ill-advised.

Oh, and also, the following are all amazing:

1. Proem. A resident of Texas, this guy is a very recent discovery for me, but he’s been working in the IDM (intelligent dance music) scene since the late 90s. I love really experimental electronic music, but finding artists that really click with my sensibilities over the course of a full album has been difficult, since the medium is so punishing and idiosyncratic. Proem is one of the first really intense success stories, even more so than big celebrities in the genre like Autechre (whom I like a lot, but not as much). He works in an incredibly ambient space, quietly nudging the music forward with subtle pushes, and sticking in the tonal space between “bittersweet” and “menacing,” without ever committing to either. I don’t think this stuff is for everyone, but a lot more people seem to connect with it than you might think, so I’m putting this out there for you to try. Even if it doesn’t capture your attention like mine, it’s great background music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FbjE_jbkfo

2. Flashforward. Yup, the show now has me in full addiction mode. It’s not of the same caliber as “Lost,” there’s something sort of cartoon-y about it, but at the same time the inventiveness with which it explores its massive narrative conceits is consistently surprising. The show accurately gauges real-world reactions to the extraordinary titular phenomena, which is impressive because it can’t be easy to guess how all of humanity would react to blacking out simultaneously and witnessing about two minutes of their future. Those must have been some long bull sessions the writing team pulled to get this thing together.

3. This (not at all for the squeamish). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_8hJsgZSNA&feature=channel

AAAAAhahahahaha!

Published on October 25, 2009 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

God gave you a present this weekend, Dear Reader. And not some bogus everyday present like a sunrise, I mean He really rubbed some spit in His hands this time. We’re talking real powerful stuff. What happened, you inquire? Well I’ll tell you: “Saw VI” took in less money than “Paranormal Activity.” Not much less, I admit, but “Activity” still took the weekend crown. Boom, baby! Oh, what’s that “Saw,” you want some more? Okay, how about this: this was “Saw VI’s” opening weekend, and it still lost! Bam! Still standing, torture porn? Get ready for the right hook: “Saw” as a franchise has opened on or around this weekend for years, it has been marked territory, and now it’s gone! Kabang! No? You’re still not through? How about “Paranormal” is a brand new franchise and “Saw” has been an established IP for almost a decade?! Hiii-YAH! …I’m impressed, you’re still not down for the count. Okay, I was saving this one for a special occasion anyway. Get ready, here it comes:

“Paranormal Activity” was playing in fewer theaters than “Saw VI.”

HAHAHAHAHA!

Yes, Beloved Reader, American audiences have finally reacted violently against this entire sub-genre of horror. “Grindhouse” tanked (and it didn’t even qualify, but people thought it did), “Captivity” was a punchline, “Hostel” is done for, and now “Saw” finally takes one on the chin. Our ignominious little friend survived this long on brilliant marketing and a savvy, unconventional business model that favored low negative cost and high awareness. Really quite clever, and were it almost any other series I would be its champion, but these movies need to die a horrible death. And so, the Lord in His mercy sends in a horror film after His own heart: bloodless, gore-less, old-fashioned suspense. At first it may not look like that big of a deal, Dear Reader, but you have to assemble all the pieces of what happened this weekend (here comes a run on sentence): an established intellectual property with a high functioning business model was significantly trounced by a complete newcomer whose budget and marketing costs were less than a hundredth of their competitor’s while it played in significantly fewer theaters and was nowhere near its opening weekend while the established IP was.

That, Dear Reader, is history making. That is conclusive. “Saw” may come back, it may not, but the franchise will never be the same. You don’t bounce back from a hit like that. Frankly, I have to admit that the downfall of this franchise has less to do with righteous indignation than confusion. They hit a sort of unofficial “sequel ceiling,” Americans just don’t like seeing numbers that high next to a title. Sure, Bond gets away with it, but he wouldn’t if we called it “James Bond 22,” and the changing guard of lead actors and talent behind the camera effectively births a long family of related but distinct entities. Whatever 007 is, “franchise” is too limited a term for it. The “Star Wars” prequels deftly termed themselves “Episode I—III,” and after all they were completely distinct and inferior from their older siblings. That’s not exactly a franchise either. “Saw” is a franchise, and it drew from the well once too many times. I think the secret rule is simple: you get three movies, maybe a fourth if we really like you and you give it some time. But past that, we don’t know how to have expectations about what we’re going to see. Everyone knows the second chapter is darker, the third lightens up and finishes the major character arcs, the fourth is just terrible. What exactly is a fifth movie supposed to be? We just don’t have that crap absorbed into our culture.

Anyway,

Some early reviews have surfaced for “Dragon Age: Origins.” As usual, they’re utter milquetoast, completely lacking in hard observation or real, tactile insight. I cried foul on “Batman: Arkham Asylum’s” pre-release press, but damned if I didn’t discover a lot of truth in what was being said. I suppose the same will be true again, but I foresee an ugly precedent here. We all know developers care enormously about their critical reception, and it’s only a matter of time before some high-gloss, low-execution series like “Kane and Lynch” decides it would like to blow out of the gate on a wave of generous printed affirmation as well. “Why should the good games hog all the good reviews,” they will wonder, “Especially when we have so much money?” Why, indeed. I’m not implying anything about the integrity of the gaming journalism community, but I am quietly reminding myself of the fact that opinions are murky, subjective things, and money is a cold hard motivator.

So yeah, this has happened twice in 2009, and it just so happens that both games turned out to be sound investments. I’m not convinced that wasn’t 50 percent coincidence and 50 percent publishers playing it safe while they test the waters. We’ll see.

Right, My Bad

Published on October 24, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

Boy, it has been a while, hasn’t it, Dear Reader? I apologize for that. I wish I could make up for it with a shocking revelation about my personal life, but uh…life is good. Everything is still going smoothly, praise the Lord, so any kind of anecdotal diatribe would make for a stupendously boring post. Caroline’s in town, so hopefully we’ll get to spend quality time with her, but the girl’s got a heck of a social agenda (surprise, surprise), so we won’t be catching up with her until tomorrow morning. You know how I hate talking about myself, anyway, it’s so dull. How ironic coming from me, I know.

Many interesting things to discuss outside my personal life, however!

-DLC. I’ve been meaning to bring this up for those of you who care about video games. Have any of you noticed the kind of ugly shift download-able content has taken in recent months? It used to be the closest thing I’d experienced to Manna from Heaven a la Exodus—you’d be playing a game to death and suddenly, more game would appear! Recently, though, the whole thing has taken a turn for the nasty, and the worst part is that respectable game developers are spurring it on.

Exhibit A, Bungie. I love Bungie, but they have violated the trust of their community. I mean it sounds great, right? New multiplayer maps all the time, constant updates and tweaks, what could be better? Problem is, someone like me can’t afford to keep spending five or ten dollars on two maps every time Microsoft feels like buying some new loafers, (especially when I already dropped sixty for the retail) so I don’t buy the stuff. And what’s this I find? I log onto multiplayer, and I can no longer play half the game modes, because they “require DLC.” What used to be a bonus is now extortion. I even tolerated this when it was one or two game modes, but right now a standard retail copy of “Halo 3″ will permit you to play maybe half of the material you paid for. That is absolutely unconscionable. DLC should be a way to enhance the experience, and instead they used it to pump their fan base for more cash and punish those unwilling to play ball.

What’s worse? A few months later they drop “Halo 3: ODST.” Now ODST’s a fun game, but there’s a reason we were all shocked to discover it carried a full retail price tag: it’s not a whole new game. Valve boycotters, who were big babies by the way, should have had a field day with this product. Say what you will about “Left 4 Dead 2,” but at least it could credibly be dubbed a sequel. ODST is a brief campaign and one additional game mode. Sixty dollars. And don’t feed me a line about playing as a new character, Bungie, because the differences are minimal and nearly all of them involved you removing things: double-wielding, jacking certain vehicles, ability to take significant damage, etc. There are no new weapons, no new enemies, no new vehicles, it’s the same exact game with tweaks at best. You should be ashamed of yourselves for charging what you did, I really expect better from you guys.

Exhibit B, Valve. Much less serious offenses, but there’s no question that 4 v 4 matchmaking and the ability to play versus in all four campaigns do not count as quality DLC, since they should have been in the retail game. Survival Mode is an afterthought, and there’s hardly any reason to play it. You did all right with Crash Course, so that’s one mark in your favor. One. You told us months of support were coming, we got one really substantive addition. The boycott of “Left 4 Dead 2″ was stupid because that product is well worth the money. A boycott of “Left 4 Dead” the original might have made more sense (although I still would not have participated).

And yeah, it’s a bit dodgy that you’re releasing a sequel this soon, at the same time that Bungie and Bioware (your compatriots in the champagne room of game design) also start acting suspect (some traveling guest speaker must be selling all of you on Gordon Gekko ethics). But you know what? You also gave us “The Orange Box,” you talked Microsoft into making the Survival Pack free, and “Left 4 Dead” is still the best cooperative shooter ever, period. You guys get a pass. Those pissy fans of yours who tied their panties in a knot over nothing don’t know how good they have it, they should ask “Halo” players what real suffering is.

Exhibit C, Bioware. Since they don’t usually tread into multiplayer, Bioware has thus far avoided the DLC scandals. With the advent of “Dragon Age: Origins,” however, the fishiness begins. They package a code to redeem some extra stuff for free with each disc, and I suppose the idea is to punish GameStop for cutting them out of the profit circle via trade-ins. While I theoretically support punishment of GameStop by any and all means, I don’t think they set a good precedent by holding back material that could have gone on the disc for malicious purposes. They’re wielding DLC like a sword, turning it from benevolent to judgmental.

And then comes the matter of the other DLC package, which everyone minus the Special Edition junkies will have to pony up for. What to make of this? Technically I suppose it’s not that different from any other DLC, except that it’s simultaneous with launch. I never realized how intrinsically I assumed that bonus content was a “down the road” affair, a second wind for software that was puttering out. Something about paying $60 for a piece of entertainment during a recession only to discover you didn’t get quite everything feels…mean. Calloused. But maybe I’m overreacting.

In other news, my movie is done. If you’d like to see it, let me know, and we’ll work out some way for you to see it. As a warning, it’s a little disturbing. You’ve been advised.

Random Things

Published on October 17, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

So I finally got around to trying out the premiere episode of “Flashforward,” and I must say I highly enjoyed it. Now I will admit, this show is a rip-off of “Lost” in a way that is borderline unethical, I mean “Heroes” has nothing on it. It even begins with a handsome white male sporting five o-clock shadow climbing out of mechanical wreckage and then witnessing explosions and saving some peoples’ lives. They even have a few actors from the Abrams show. Clearly, someone at ABC has decided not to fix what isn’t broken. The problem is, I really don’t mind, because the “Lost” style works on me like love potion number nine, it’s cunningly effective.

Last night, Corelyn and I went to a free screening of “Paranormal Activity” at USC. I know I’ve mentioned this movie before, but now that I have Corelyn’s O.K, I really feel I should recommend it to anyone who’s in the mood for a good scare. I’ve seen it twice now, and my affection for it continues to grow. Let me repeat that there is absolutely no gore, no bloody violence of any kind, just good old fashioned terror. Now my wife is a brave woman, but horror movies are typically a very unpleasant experience for her, so I knew we were onto something when she came out of the theater grinning. I’m reminded of how my sister and mom came to cautiously endorse “What Lies Beneath,” like cats warily approaching an outstretched hand. I think this movie may be the new “What Lies Beneath.”

And speaking of cats, some of you may know I have little patience for them. However, there is an extremely short list of “Acceptable Felines” which I have compiled. On it are Catwoman, Puss in Boots, Billy’s cat Penny, and now this adorable creature: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79dt9HRif8g

Worst Post Ever

Published on October 11, 2009 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

You might just want to skip this one, Dear Reader, I cannot imagine saying anything worth hearing right now. As I begin writing, I’m fairly certain there are two topics I’m going to stick to: popcorn chicken and “Need For Speed: Shift.” Which I bought. Don’t worry, I didn’t use actual money, I had some store credit sitting around. It’s not much good buying a game if you don’t live to play it. As the insidious bombardment of video games contains to reign down on us, I’m certain that this purchase will represent a sore spot in my psyche later on. There are so many other games coming out, and I have only enough resources to procure a select few, that undoubtedly I will find myself in the groveling, semi-recumbent position of regret before long. But I justify it, Dear Reader. I justify it because I haven’t purchased any racing games in so long. I honestly was half-wondering if I would ever get one again. And like a balanced diet, variety in your gaming library produces happiness. In other words: I think this game will have more legs than it normally would because it’s the only one of its kind.

That said, my initial play session indicated that this thing may survive on its own merits. It’s that good. As I mentioned before, it really fools me into thinking I’m some kind of Le Mans deity, everything has weight and consequence which makes the obliterating speeds the game achieves all the more terrifying/awesome. An arcade-infused simulation racer may in fact be the spot marked “X” on the map of my brain. This may be the perfect racer for me, the one that achieves everything I desire from the genre.

Or maybe not, and I’m just kind of swooning at the moment. But it is freaking great.

Also, I have popcorn chicken, which is delicious. You wish you had popcorn chicken, Dear Reader, and odds are that you do not. I pity your state, sir/madam! I pity the popcorn-chicken-less disrepair you’ve fallen into, and I can only offer soft, gentle sympathy…while I eat my popcorn chicken. Mmmm.

Need for Speed Shift versus Forza Motorsport 3

Published on October 11, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

So as the absolute filth of quality gaming continues its downpour on us, the hapless capitalists, I find myself stuck in a position between two compelling products. I haven’t bought a racing game in a very long time, but the season feels right, and more and more I’m realizing that something further in the direction of simulation actually suits me better. I love “Burnout” and all, but more grounded racers feature heavier reliance on technique and less on twitch reflexes. I enjoy that. One cannot simply boost one’s response time overnight, but fine-tuning turning methods are another matter. Also, I appreciate the obsessive care with which sim developers render the vehicles, craft the sounds of their engines, and capture the soul of the beast. With more arcade-y material, the car is just a hunk of steel.

So here I am, a little bit of credit left over, in the mood for a racing game, and two really outstanding ones appear. In one corner, “Need For Speed Shift.” I mentioned this one to you awhile ago in harsh tones, exclaiming that the franchise had lost its way and I would not forgive it. Then I read the reviews, all of which made a simple claim: “The boss is back.” Gone is the “Fast and Furious” crap, in its place are top-end exotics and salty dogs of the race track. This is a retro NFS title like the kind they made when “Car and Driver” Magazine was involved. Exciting as that was, getting my claws on the demo sent my blood pressure through the roof. The sense of speed is just stunning, I’ve never felt anything like it. The graphics are gorgeous. The computer-controlled opponents flinch under pressure and behave like people. The racing is flawless: it has the edge and impatience of arcade, with the strategy and logistics of full-on simulation.

In the other corner, we have “Forza Motorsport 3,” which is more or less Xbox’s answer to “Gran Turismo.” It comes with so many different playable cars (over 400) that they needed a second disc to hold it all. The campaign mode (often the bread and butter of racing games) has received unilateral praise for being innovative and satisfying, deftly avoiding the checklist-style monotony of so many other titles. Multiplayer is almost unnecessarily feature-packed. There are a dozen individual variables, from auto-breaking to swerve control to enemy AI, which allow you to have the exact experience you want. And there’s a rewind button to take back mistakes.

What to do, Dear Reader? I can’t spend actual money on something this pointless, so I can’t get both (and who has time for that even if I did?) Having played the demo for both, I will now consider the relevant variables and attempt to arrive at a conclusion. Let the selection process begin!

1. The Racing

NFS takes this one. FM3 feels nice and all, but it’s nothing I didn’t get from “Project Gotham” back in the day. “Shift,” on the other hand, snarls like a wild dog. It’s so fast that I had to take my pants off to play (…no not really, but you know what I mean). The car shudders with each gear shift, the scenery snaps past your windshield relentlessly, the brakes belch fire, and all the while you know you’re seconds away from a hairpin corner. Speed close to this was achieved in the “Burnout” and “F-Zero” games, but couched in reality the sensation has more grit. This, right now, is the most adrenaline pumping speed machine I’ve experienced.

FM3 has one thing in its corner: the rewind button, an ingenious device that should come standard henceforth. The ability to take back race-destroying mistakes just makes the whole affair more pleasant. I’m sure some developers are worried this will diminish the suspense, but so far I haven’t found that to be the case. People don’t want to use the thing, and will avoid doing so until something really awful happens.

2. The Career

FM3’s got it there. From what I hear, NFS features a relatively rote campaign experience, whereas FM tailors a massive amount of possible races to your style and your vehicle choice. Classy.

3. Cars

“Forza” easily. NFS features a respectable 72, and that is nothing to sneeze at…except when compared to 400 plus. There is little evidence to suggest that “Shift” contains any vehicle that “Forza’s” ungodly roster does not also host. Case closed.

4. Graphics

NFS takes it. Something about FM3 feels a little…simulation-y. Sim racers always have this glass-like texture on their visuals, even when the damage modeling is top-notch. Games like “Shift” and “GRID” are more willing to put mud on the tires, dirt in the lens, and it goes a long way. “Forza” is very pretty, but it’s all a little…crystal. NFS feels gritty.

5. Race Tracks

Call that a tie, they both do a great job mixing real tracks with beefed up eye candy. Positively sumptuous.

6. Presentation

FM3 avoids the temptation to try something stupid and keeps a clean, austere menu system. It’s all class. NFS tries for an edgy, nightclub look which is forgettable. On the other hand, NFS has one of those great spotter guys who talks to you before races in a cool European accent, and the things he says are not annoying. In general, NFS spent a lot of time trying to convince me these were real races, I had real sponsors, whereas FM3 did not attempt to explain why all these cars would appear in the Swiss Alps at 200 mph. I’m going to give NFS the slight edge there, as I’ve become fond of the decal-heavy sponsor look.

7. Fun Factor

Depends on what you mean. In the sheer cockpit experience, NFS has to take it. FM3 tries to open its arms to the uninitiated with a wide variety of difficulty adjustment factors (actually both games have this, and the variables are quite similar), but it doesn’t quite work out, because they can’t alter the fundamental experience. What they can do is let a creepy AI driver dictate when you brake, which is more annoying and meddlesome than anything else. NFS does a much better job of quieting adjusting your over-steering and making you feel like a god. There’s just enough arcade tossed in to make the whole thing go down incredibly smoothly.

That said, in the broader spectrum I think this one comes out a tie. FM3 offers levels of customization in single and multiplayer that must be seen to be believed. Any old racing game can let you race people on Live, but FM3 offers a plethora of game modes and the means to tweak them quite extensively. In general, “Forza” is a package designed by people who have been to this rodeo before. Experience has made them cocky, and they build so much depth into the experience that it’s downright off-putting. Where do you even start? NFS is a bit more timid: they nail the racing on the head, but then they back off, afraid to stretch too thin.

And my decision is:

“Need for Speed Shift.”

Here’s why:

1. Yes, there are 400 cars in “Forza.” Guess what? 72 top-enders is more than enough for me. I seriously wish I had the time on my hands to feel gypped by a roster in the double-digits, but that is not my life.

2. The racing, the racing, the racing. Almost anything can be overcome by an engine that really sinks its teeth into you. I have put in time with both, and NFS is the better experience.

3. I feel compelled to reward the people at EA for dropping this stupid crap they’ve been shoveling and returning to the basics. These guys need to know they made the right move.

The Nobel Prize For…You Know…Being A Cool Guy…

Published on October 10, 2009 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

This puts me in a strange position, Dear Reader, because I have a lot of love for Barack Obama. Bringing the hurt to Afghanistan instead of Iraq? Check. Fixing health care without bowing to a universal system? Check. Cash for clunkers? Check again. All told, I’ve been relatively pleased with my vote so far. And so far as I know, one cannot campaign for a Nobel Peace Prize, so I suppose this isn’t exactly his fault.

But what the hell?

You’re supposed to hand these things out after a lifetime of tireless achievement. May I remind you all that Jimmy Carter, who actually got Egypt and Israel to agree on something, was not awarded until he left office and continued advocating human rights for years. They never gave one to freaking Gandhi. You don’t just hand this crap out, and you really don’t hand it out just because the international community thinks he’s a nice guy. I can’t imagine the catch 22 Barack is in right now, knowing that he can neither turn it down nor accept it without feeling funny. The more I think about it, the more my mind keeps coming back to a central question: what were they thinking?

Many will say this is a political move, an attempt on behalf of some in the international community to publicly scold Republicans. For once, I would consider agreeing. I’m not saying it is, but I’m not saying it isn’t. Nobody on that council was doe-eyed and innocent, they knew damned well that they were kissing Susie while Jane looked on. I’m not even beyond seeing this as a power play, an attempt to kick American conservatives while they’re down and exert lasting influence on Western international policy. I’m not committing to that interpretation, but help me out Dear Reader, because I’m flailing around in the dark here. If it’s not a conscious attempt to put a European stamp on American politics, then what is it? No one can seriously think Obama stands toe to toe with the other people who have won this thing, they must have known they were bestowing it prematurely, so what? What is this? The weird thing is, I agree with the statements they make about him. I think he has improved our relationship with the international community. Some would prefer we march around reminding everyone of Normandy, but I think humility and grace are more befitting a super power. When he goes to foreign countries and says, “Our bad, we need to do better,” I think it’s classy.

So I’m put in this bizarre position of liking the guy who has won the award, agreeing with the reasons for it, and being completely against the whole thing nonetheless. Thanks a lot, guys.

Unrelated note:

Anybody out there looking for a great scary movie should check out “Paranormal Activity,” which is screening in select theaters near you. This is old-school suspense horror: no gore, no blood and guts, no grisly killings, just atmosphere piled on atmosphere and some ingenious set pieces. I haven’t seen a ghost story this good in years. Go check it out!

And I Almost Forgot

Published on October 3, 2009 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Big exciting news, Dear Reader. A sister site* to your favorite online blog has just been launched, the authors are none other than my lovely wife and her good friend Jennie Palluzzi. What makes this particular endeavor so awesome is that, like mine, it has an intense sense of purpose: It’s a cooking blog! They load it full of pictures, detailed descriptions, improvisations, and yet the whole thing maintains a fresh, breezy pace that your average cookbooks lack; reading it is very like learning a recipe from a friend. It’s all about the process: the selection of ingredients, the preparation, all of the essential pieces of the culinary arts. I have yet to be a guest cook on this program, partly because I’m a terrible cook and partly because I’m a terrible husband and therefore do not cook often. Maybe I should step up my game so I too can become involved. I’m sure Corelyn would be blushing to hear me talk like this, it took her like four days to even tell me this thing existed, but it really is a cool little place to drop by and spend a few minutes.

Here’s the URL. Give it a try, or be an uncultured heathen.

http://garlicmysoul.wordpress.com/

* Yeah they’re actually completely autonomous from me, I’m just trying to mosey in and take credit for their coolness.

Don’t Judge Me!

Published on October 3, 2009 in Uncategorized. 1 Comment

Look, I have an iPod touch, okay? Let’s not make this a thing. Telling a few people about this purchase has revealed to me that my inner circle of friends and loved ones is comprised of social curmudgeons, people who live and die by the snarling refusal to buckle under trends. I admire that. Nonetheless…come on. Cut me a break. Can you picture anyone who needs the ability to watch movies on the Metro more than yours truly? This thing is just me, it was built for me, and it’s going to get used to death. It may seem excessive to download “The Day the Earth Stood Still” (the 1951 version, thank you) off of iTunes in order to partake of it while riding the bus to class, but remember who you’re dealing with here. This is Andrew Allen. I think technology is finally beginning to catch up with my insatiable artistic lust. I do have a Twitter app, and I have tweeted various times. For that I am ashamed, but I make absolutely no promises to stop. I stand by Twitter as a deranged but bizarrely noble form of human expression; it is the progeny of an android generation, and yet it is one of the most real forms of communication we now have. It’s simple, elegant, and a little twisted. And say what you will, but Twitter played a major role in giving a voice to the people during the Iranian “elections” and the Chinese earthquake cover-ups. In both cases, a few fat-cats tried to boss millions of people around, and instead the internet gave them a weapon to strike back. You might almost call it democracy’s watch dog.

So moving on,

Quick update on the personal front: we are so close to being done with my movie. For the past week, we’ve been heavy into sound editing, which has been laborious but intensely satisfying. Tonight we had our Foley session, which is basically where you sit in a soundproof room, watch the movie again and again, and perform sound effects to match the images. Punches are usually a guy breaking celery on his knee mixed with a watermelon being dropped, the clicking of handguns is often actually a pair of pliers, and you seriously do not want to know where they get the kissing noises from. It’s a real hoot to do, but it’s also quite difficult, and requires a technician and a performance artist within the same person. When it goes right, it’s invaluable. You should seriously hear the sick, awful crap we came up with to simulate a particularly nasty injury that happens halfway through the flick. It’s going to make peoples’ skin crawl.

Sound is a big thing for USC, they push you really hard to understand and respect its importance. Several of my professors have repeatedly insisted that it is “half the movie,” and that even though the crummiest picture quality is quite forgivable, bad dialogue tracks will ruin a movie. They are quite correct. I don’t think I’m cut out for sound work, my skills in the field are mediocre at best, but dabbling my toes has been rewarding, because I’ve seen the transformation my footage has gone through as a result. I always drank the Kool Aid on sound’s importance, but now I respect it on a level all my own. If USC’s goal was to indoctrinate me about the value of clean production sound, quality audio design, and a skilled composer, I think they’ve pretty well pulled it off. The audio is really starting to make this movie lift off.

Moving on,

Roman Polanksi. Arrested in Switzerland. I guess we’re going to owe the guys in Zurich a beer for that one, we’ve been trying to snag him for decades. Honestly, I don’t really know how I feel about the whole thing. The dude unquestionably drugged and had sex with a 13 year old girl. Just say that a few times. Thirteen year old girl. I don’t really know how to get around that. On the other hand, his trial was an absolute sham, I think our legal system was getting set up to spank him so hard he’d never walk upright again. And why? It wasn’t just the crime, this crap has happened before and we’ve let people off with much less. He was a foreigner, and that makes human beings take sex crimes in a wholly different, and completely ridiculous manner. I admit, Polanski is one of the sketchiest-seeming human beings on God’s green earth. He opens his mouth, looks at you with those beady eyes, and you immediately think, “No, I don’t trust this guy.” He just feels…dark, hidden. Maybe that’s his right, since his parents were murdered by the Nazis and his wife was murdered by the Manson gang. That’s a lot of evil to swallow in one lifetime. Maybe those events left holes in the man that just don’t heal.

But I digress, technically none of that matters. Nor does his prestigious directing career, and as a result of that, the people who have lobbied so hard for his release are probably going to do him more harm than good. Polls are showing that Americans and Europeans alike don’t want this guy going free. I suppose we don’t like seeing the rich and famous get an easy ride. It feels unjust and, to be frank, it’s less entertaining. So all of this glamorous Hollywood support may prove to be a paper tiger. France has already backed down, which was probably wise since their official statement came off like, “Let him go, he’s too talented for your silly laws” (for the record, I don’t think that’s what they meant). The Governator danced around the issue even more gracefully than I am right now, his response was essentially: “I’m not not NOT going to consider pardoning him.”

I think the average American just feels…odd about this whole situation. The guy did a perverted, awful thing, and we got so angry about it that we put him through a mockery of justice, and then he left. We turned an obvious criminal into a victim, we gave him the ammunition for his assumed innocence. Everyone feels dirty coming out of that situation, and it’s almost unpleasant to revisit it. I suppose that my feeling is simple: when in doubt, follow the law. The law says he committed a crime and then didn’t face the music, so sure, get him the hell back here and make him accountable. But I really do hope the sentence is something reasonable and quiet, I’m not up for watching this guy rot in a jail cell for the next decade. Some will insist he’s getting an easy break because he’s a director, but how is it better to over-punish for the same reason?