Your helpful guide to the wide world of Andrew’s discerning opinion.
Movies
500 Days of Summer—SEE it. Absolutely charming flick, funny and buoyant. I loved it.
A Perfect Getaway—Haven’t seen it, will never see it under any circumstances. Neither should you. The writer/director, David Twohy, got lucky once with “Pitch Black,” but the rest of his resume (except for you, “Below”) is embarrassing. Also, it’s apparently got some lame M. Night Shamwow (thank you to Penny Arcade for that joke) twist. I would pass if I were you.
Adam—I think this could be decent, but I’m not prepared to weigh in certainly.
Cold Souls—The concept sounds fascinating, the reviews have been positive, I’d like to see it.
Funny People—I hear mixed things. Most people say it’s overlong, even the ones who like it, but that shouldn’t necessarily deter you.
G-Force—It’s about secret agent guinea pigs. I thought “Pixar” had already established that just because something is a kid’s movie does not permit it to be completely stupid.
G.I. Joe—All right, that’s it, I want everyone who is reading this to CONCENTRATE HERE. Hello? Are you looking? Okay. I wasn’t going to say this, but I saw “GI Joe” at an advanced screening, and it sucked. It was offensive to God. Now I don’t know what crazy carcinogens Paramount is putting in the water supply which have allowed this thing to get mediocre reviews, and my disgust at this fact is violent, but I must insist that you stay the hell away. This is one of the worst, most inexplicable films ever created, and you cannot give them your money. The line has to be drawn.
You know what it was like? I swear, I’m not even kidding here, this is not an embellishment: “Team America: World Police.” Remember that movie? It was a film starring a bunch of puppets that was intended as a satire. It was, quite deliberately, the most ridiculous film ever made. “GI Joe” is basically the exact same movie…EXCEPT THEY’RE COMPLETELY SERIOUS! How can you even look at yourself in the mirror after writing something this bad? Is it because your mirror is made of money? Arrrghhh!!
I’m begging you: don’t give these morons a big opening weekend. They have not earned it. This movie’s success will teach Hollywood that blatant, remorseless stupidity is still the name of the game. We’ve already paid them out of our noses for every ridiculous franchise they can think up, from “Fast and Furious” to “Transformers.” Do you know they’re trying to make a “Monopoly” movie? Monopoly? Do you see what we’re teaching them?!!
(FYI: In case you think I’m kidding, check out this comparison of the trailers for “Team America” and “GI Joe.” It will haunt your dreams: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIiForGd5VE)
Harry Potter—It’s great, go see it.
Julie and Julia—Uh, no comment. Is it possible to make a film I have less interest in?
Moon—Arrrghh, I want to see this one so badly! Alas, I have not gotten around to it yet. But I hear great things. If you’re like me, and you deeply admire “2001: A Space Odyssey,” I’ve heard this is much in the same vein.
The Hurt Locker—Damn good, I loved it. Between this, “500 Days of Summer,” and “Moon,” the slightly-independent film lineup is kicking the crap out of the big studios.
Music
The Fixer (by Pearl Jam)—Whoops, I love this song. As an outspoken critic of Pearl Jam’s relentless pretentiousness, it’s quite embarrassing to find myself flat-out in love with their new single, cheering along with them as the chorus rises triumphantly on the wings of the magical (and politically relevant) lyrics: “If something’s lost, I wanna fight to get it back again!” Whoo!! This is awe…I mean…Pearl Jam sucks! (http://www.myspace.com/tenclub)
Ignorance (by Paramore)—How dare you even ask whether the new Paramore song is awesome. Of course it is. My girl Hayley never lets us down. She’s at her best, of course, when she’s laying some deserving target out, firing off righteous fury that comes across with just the tiniest edge of adorable-ness. She’s like your friend’s little sister getting really pissed off, it’s freaking charming. Also, the lyric in the chorus has a wonderful snarl: “You treat me just like another stranger. Well it’s nice to meet you sir, I guess I’ll go, I’ll just be on my way out. Ignorance is your new best friend! Ignorance is your new best friend!” (http://www.myspace.com/paramore)
New Divide (by Linkin Park)—Overplayed to be sure, and a direct rip-off of the song they did for the last “Transformers” movie. And yet…I like it anyway. I think my weakness for Linkin Park is two-fold: first off, I positively associate them with video games, Friday nights, things that are carefree and enjoyable. Secondly, they’re such nice dudes, they always carry themselves with a great deal more class than other bands of their ilk. They’re not out to scare anyone with some phony image, and it seems to me that they get really excited about their music and work really hard on it. I admire that. Also, they do a freaking WICKED cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Wish” live, and that’s awesome. (http://www.myspace.com/linkinpark)
Notion/Use Somebody (by Kings of Leon)—Sigh. That guy’s voice is annoying. There really is some strong songwriting down underneath, but it’s crippled by a lead vocalist who insists on making this odd, yelping noise from the back of his throat at the end of every phrase.
21 Guns/Know Your Enemy (by Green Day)—You all know it, but I’m the one who’s going to say it: a big fat “meh.”
I’ll Go Crazy if I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight (by U2)—I mean that title already has you thinking “…oh no,” and then the song kicks in and it’s just so much worse than you imagined.
Panic Switch (by Silversun Pickups)—I seriously thought the lead singer was a chick! Are you effing kidding me, that’s a dude? I mean I can sort of catch it on “Substitution” and “The Royal We,” but “Switch” still sounds like a woman. I don’t even mean that as an insult, I keep telling myself every time I watch it: “It’s a man. Just picture a man.” I can’t do it.