You Just Had To Do It, Didn’t You?

I told you that “GI Joe” was terrible, but you still went, didn’t you, Dear Reader? For those of you who didn’t, bravo. For those of you who did…sigh. I take comfort in knowing that most of you probably passed, and good for you, but they still had a $100 million international weekend, and that is shameful. I’m genuinely amazed at how gentle the critics are being, as if every bad action movie was this ridiculous. They’re not. There are degrees of absurdity, and this one is so far over the line it’s unacceptable. Even Sommers’ own “The Mummy” bothered to make some kind of sense on its own terms.

Anyway, not that it matters, because next weekend “District 9″ comes out, and I think we can all agree: that looks fabulous. Hopefully, with some positive word of mouth and a predictably gaga-for-sci fi American audience, Neil Blomkamp’s debut effort will wipe “Joe” from the leader boards with tremendous vengeance. This will be all the more satisfying because it has no name stars, an unheard of director, and is in no way a sequel or prequel or threequel to anything (technically it’s a remake of a short film, but very few people know that). It will be a genuinely new intellectual property. Do you even remember what it’s like to see one of those, Dear Reader? I’m not sure I do.

Let’s be honest: mainstream cinema is in bad shape. The Oscars fall all over themselves for weepy dramas that no one likes, the studios pump out brain-dead popcorn flicks, and we the moviegoers refuse to force anyone to do better. We just give them money because we like to go to the theater, and when people like me chastise this practice, we get told that it is in fact our tastes that need adjusting, not the cinematic output. What a revelation! If only I could rewire my brain not to be aware of artistic bird droppings!

Meanwhile, the eternally put-upon art form of video games keeps innovating, keeps pushing boundaries, and consistently makes more money. There are constantly new IPs, sequels are normally better than originals, innovation is prized, and quality still matters. Maybe I’m in the wrong freaking business.