Ah, hello again, Dear Reader. You know I can’t stay away long. Only you truly understand me. I have no idea what I’m going to write this entry about, but such is my love of our friendship that I return again. Some of my best blog entries have originated from the freeform openness that I’m experiencing at this exact moment. We could discuss anything, you and I! Trotsky! The Cotton Gin! The sky is the limit!
Oh, very well, let’s talk about Batman again. If you’re gonna twist my arm about it…
The magical glow of “The Dark Knight” is beginning to wear off, I need some new Bat-blood. I’ve long flirted with getting a subscription to the actual Batman comic books, instead of just buying them in compilations and pretending they’re one big novel, but I hesitate. I don’t know if Batman arriving at my door every week would permit me to function as a husband, a student, or anything. I might implode. When you’ve been a hobbyist as long as I have, you can kind of sniff another one coming, and you begin to regard it warily. I’ve been down this road before, you might even think to yourself. There are so many hobbies I have deliberately avoided for this reason; I know for a fact that if I let them into my life, they would leave me in a dark alley, completely out of money and 40 years old.
In fact…let me list some:
1. World of Warcraft. Video games are amazing, but a persistent online world within a video game is so amazing I can’t quite breathe at the thought of it. Within two or three days of our becoming engaged, Corelyn aimed her pointer finger at me resolutely, the diamond on the ring still sparkling, and intoned a dire commandment: “No World of Warcraft. Ever.” We weren’t even talking about video games, that’s how serious she is. Thank God I’m terrified of her wrath, it makes controlling myself much easier.
2. Dungeons and Dragons. D and D is the nerdiest thing in existence, and out of respect for this, I avoid it. I’m already fighting every woman I know to convince her that normal people now play videogames (side note: why are women so slow to believe this?) But a small part of me is aware that I let the ol’ Dungeons into my system, I’d probably like it. I wouldn’t love it, but I’d like it, and I wouldn’t avoid it when it was presented to me. For some reason, this game is just forbidden in “proper” society, it’s like being a Communist in the 50s. It marks you as some kind of heathen, people audibly groan in your face when you mention it. As such, I have never played, and never will.
3. Motorcycles. Ever since I outgrew my timid phase, where roller coasters and jet skis terrified me, I have discovered that I love the sensation of speed. Love it. I have also discovered that I’m a moron. The combination of these two things on a hog would probably result in the highest ratings Dateline News has ever had, but it might not work out so well for me. I know I would love to have one, but there’s no way.
4. Superheroes other than Batman. Let’s just not even go down that road. I stick rigidly to Batman as a measure of self-control; the entire world of comic books just sits out there, waiting for me to digest its delicious collectible items, but every time I reach out, my other hand smacks its brother and I get control of myself.
5. Pop Tarts. They’re so freaking good I want to roll in a bath of them. But I never purchase them. Never. The line must be drawn.
6. Star Trek. I’m really more of a “Star Wars” person myself, I like the sexier, more operatic tones of the original trilogy. Nothing would ever change that, even if I regularly watched both, nor could anything alter the fact that “Indiana Jones” is still cooler than both. Still, I sincerely doubt any part of me would be averse to the delicious campiness and starry-eyed wonderment of the “Trek.” If I let myself, I would go all the way down that road, but I never do. Between you, me and the wall, I kind of prefer “The Next Generation,” if only because Jean-Luc Picard is the man. People from my generation: remember “Star Trek: First Contact”? That movie was the business. After that thing, I don’t know if 70s Shatner and Nimoy could ever command my loyalty the same way. I love me some Bill Shatner now, with his hilarious new self-aware comedic stylings, but the old school stuff wouldn’t work on me the same way.
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