I’m exhausted and I need a break, Dear Reader, so I turn to you. Let’s wrap.
I held film auditions today for the second time in my young life. It’s a weird process, sending out casting calls for student films, particularly ones with little to no dialogue. You get (literally) hundreds of submissions, but only a scarce number of them really show up when you ask them to; I can’t even imagine what it’d be like without “USC” next to my name. It’s also creepy because sometimes people will have seriously impressive resumes which make you feel ridiculous, especially older actors, and you have to maintain some kind of directorial authority over them. I imagine this is a smaller version of what it’s like to be a first-time director working with Pacino or something.
The piece I’m shooting this weekend has hardly any dialogue, because that’s the rule, so I made up a few dialogue scenes for my actors to read. This turned out to be excruciatingly painful, because I wrote really good lines and the actors handled them extremely well. I found myself wishing I could flout the rule and shoot this stuff anyway, but truth be told I just don’t have the space on my SxS card (which is where your dailies are stored by the camera).
Actors are interesting people, I like them. Some of the best of them are actually very reserved, and when you’re talking to them they don’t nod their heads, or react, or do anything. They’re very focused. It’s a test of your confidence to see how you manage in a conversation when the other participant is simply staring at you. Others, of course, are big, vibrant personalities who explode with energy every time you say a word to them. Both are valuable, they’re just different.
Directing, I’m learning, is mainly about the actors, and getting caught up with other aspects of production is very dangerous. The more time you spend micromanaging the light fixtures, the more time you’re not controlling the tone and pace of the scene itself. That’s how a movie can slip through your fingers. There are a select few auteurs who can obsess over everyone else’s job and still get a quality product, but this is the exception, not the rule, and they make the process messier and uglier than it needs to be. None of them have escaped a nasty reputation, or unending quarrels with their cast and crew, and I don’t believe this can be considered any kind of victory.
Stanley Kubrick, according to apocryphal legend, often demanded sixty and seventy takes of a single scene, and I find this to be ridiculous. Is it a mark of genius? Not really, it’s more like a scar of genius, or collateral damage. It’s just proof that he possessed vision, but lacked the language to convey what he wanted, and it’s not like that second part is an optional component of this job. Any scene that needs to be done that many times indicates a failure on the director’s part. On the other hand, the man was a genius, and the films where he gained that reputation turned out to be classics, so what exactly am I criticizing him for?
I also kind of admire that Stanley was anti-social, just like Hitchcock. These guys give me hope. Nothing depresses me more than people who insist that to make it in this business, I’ll have to attend dozens of stupid parties and cozy up to shallow morons. Ol’ Alfred never went to a single party, he stayed in with his wife every night until it was time to hit the set. People could hardly even tell what Kubrick looked like, they saw him so rarely. I think if you’re good enough, and maybe a little fortunate, your work can speak for itself. Let producers “network.” Let people who aren’t that good “network.”
Socializing in this field is so ridiculous anyway, everyone’s competing to seem more “made” than the next guy, and the people who really are “made” have learned it doesn’t make them happy. It’s a sick, sad little carnival, and the more everyone tells me I have to play along with it, the more my arrogance seeps out and I want to ignore them. So far, I’ve been making some effort to keep social with my classmates at USC, and I’ve actually enjoyed that, but I know for a fact that “making” friends quickly is not a talent of mine. I turn around, and half of these people are hanging out on the weekends without calling me, and I don’t know how it happened. I don’t blame them, I’m just not adept at getting them into my phone’s speed dial in two weeks flat. Wiggling my way into everyone’s hearts is not what I do, and trying to fake it feels stupid.
I know, I know, I have to “network,” so “network” I shall. Particularly when you’re at USC, it’s just stupid not to get to know people, because it’s a solid bet that a fair amount of them will either be in a position to hire you or vice versa in a couple of years, and why not give yourself a head start? But I think anyone who is too desperate to “know” people triggers off a BS meter, because that kind of person is hoping to get hired on something other than their actual ability, and I think that leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth. I intend to walk and talk like I’m good at what I do, and that’s the best argument to bring me aboard.
Or maybe that’s all crap and I’m just going to have to suck it up. We’ll see. I doubt worrying about it is the answer.
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