Tickets, Baby!

Hello, my favorite readers in the whole wide world. How are you? Ssh, don’t answer that, this blog is about me. I GOT DARK KNIGHT TICKETS!!! WHOOOOO!!! I can’t tell you the excitement I’m feeling over knowing that “The Dark Knight” is fast approaching. You should be aware that the reviews so far call it “The Godfather Part II” of comic book movies, and Heath Ledger’s Joker is being talked about for an Oscar nomination.

Just as exciting, the number of people coming with me to the midnight show at the Hoffman has swelled to an impressive 18. This magnificent group all grabbed their tickets within 12 hours of them going on sale. I imagine the people at Movietickets.com were surprised to see so many rapid-fire purchases on a tuesday night at 11:30 pm.

It’s COMING!!! We’re so close I can TASTE IT!

Seriously, though, sorry it’s been a few days since I posted, but I just haven’t been getting in enough car accidents or arboreal misadventures to make me feel I had a worthy post for you all. Still, I have resolved at last to return to the warm embrace of your passing attention as you surf the internet and pretend to look busy (don’t deny it, you scoundrels).

I know some of you rely on me to keep you posted on movies that are out now. This is a service I’m happy to provide, and will endeavor to keep up-to-date with any relevant releases. I’ve seen many of them, but for those I haven’t, I’ve got solid advice from people who have:

-Prince Caspian: I saw it. It was good, but if you didn’t buy the first one, it ain’t gonna convert you.

-Get Smart: I saw it. Much to my surprise, it was a very solid action comedy, with healthy doses of both. Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway have surprising chemistry, and Alan Arkin is…well…awesome.

-Hancock: I didn’t see it, but pass on it. I happened upon the plot “twists” that the movie offers, and I can promise you they are utterly ridiculous. The movie has a reputation for being uneven and disappointing.

-The Happening: I didn’t see it, but most people who did, even Shyamalan fans, were disappointed. Again, the plot twist might strike you as ridiculous.

-The Incredible Hulk: I saw it, and it was perfectly decent. Very solid action sequences, and a nice, brisk self-awareness. Completely lacking in depth but adequate as summer fun.

-Indiana Jones: Saw it twice, and loved it both times. To be sure, it goes in a much campier direction than any of the last entries, but I liked that it was unique from the others in that way. It involves aliens. If that sounds dumb to you, don’t see it.

-Iron Man: Saw it, it was very good. Better than the “Hulk,” definitely, but not quite as good an action movie. Robert Downey Jr. is magnificent, but the climactic battle is a little perfunctory.

-Kung Fu Panda: I saw it, I liked it. It rarely tries to be hilarious, which may surprise you, but the story is surprisingly complex and three dimensional.

-The Love Guru: I did not see it, and neither should you. Pass, pass, pass.

-Sex and the City: I didn’t see it, but its reputation is very predictable: fans of the show love it, everyone else hates it.

-The Strangers: I didn’t see it, and the jury’s kind of out. It looked really terrifying in the trailers, I’ve heard mixed things. If you’re in the mood for a horror movie, consider giving it a shot. I am under the impression that it’s low on the gore and high on the suspense, thank God.

-Wall-E: Haven’t seen it, but it doesn’t matter. All reports, both critics and friends of mine, say it’s a classic. Pixar does it again.

-Wanted: Saw it, liked it. It’s got an over-the-top sensory overload style that may turn off the older crowd, but it’s a decently satisfying action movie. I thought the conclusion of the story was ballsy and brilliant.

So there you go. That’s the word on movies I’ve seen and heard about recently. I’ll keep doing this from time to time and let you know how the new movies coming out are being reviewed, and also hopefully let you know if I actually see them.

You know, Corelyn and I have both soured a little on Wii Tennis. The reason is simple: we’ve gotten so good at it, particularly as a team, that the game has begun bending the rules so we can’t beat AI opponents who are supposed to be twice our skill level. Suddenly, a perfectly decent swing will cause the ball to hit the net, or a bounce on the white line will be “out” where it would have been legal other times. We’re both getting a sense that the game didn’t intend this level of commitment, and is now scrambling to fake levels of depth it does not possess. Our patience is tested, dear reader, our patience is tested.

I’ve also been playing “Enemy Territory: Quake Wars,” the demo version. This build of the game has only a single map to play on, and one series of objectives to complete therein, and yet I have played it for days. “Quake Wars” is one of those games where you are tossed into a massive, 16-player battle as one among many infantry men, and given access to a wide cadre of tanks, jeeps, ATVs, even airplanes and helicopters, with which to play. It’s an extremely satisfying strategic experience, with each vehicle or weapon balanced out by another, and every “class” of soldier (medic, engineer, etc) given distinct attributes. In order to win the day, you must strategically employ all of the vehicles and classes at your disposal. These kinds of games always can be played online against other people, but “bots” (computer-controlled opponents) are provided, and I much prefer them to real human beings. I can set them to whatever difficulty I desire, they play fairly, and I don’t have to hear them grip in my headset for ten minutes about how cheap my last kill was. The 12 year olds on Xbox Live are on their own, I’ll take the neutral, emotionless embrace of computerized friendship.

The funny thing is, the game has terrible reviews, and I can scarcely doubt it deserves them. The graphics are muddy, the auto-aim is too nice, and the vehicles control like magic carpets, lacking grit or a sense of weight. Add on top of that the fact that I only have one map to play on, and the experience should get old fast, but the core gameplay mechanic works too well. I find myself having a really great time, so much so that I’ve played it for days on end. Fortunately, “Unreal Tournament 3,” a MUCH superior rendition of the same genre of game, comes out this monday, and yours truly has already reserved and paid for a copy. Once I have that sweet baby in my hot little hands, “Quake Wars” will be but a shadow of a memory.

Anyway, it’s off to Alexandria today to hang out with the good folks there for the 4th of July and such. Corelyn has an invitation to see fireworks at the White House, while myself and the gang of scoundrels I associate with will be making our own breed of merriment to commemorate the occasion. As is fitting, Cor and I have been watching the HBO miniseries “John Adams,” which recently came on DVD, and I have been reading “1776.” I’m developing a real fascination for the story of our country’s birth.

“John Adams,” by the way, is quite good. I prefer the earlier episodes to the latter, which have a troubling habit of focusing on family strife and controversy in an unglamorous way that feels a little art-house-y and “modern” to me. The earlier episodes, where drama at home mingled with the excitement of the birth of a nation, grabbed me more. It should be noted that Tom Wilkinson, an esteemed character actor, portrays Benjamin Franklin immaculately, and Stephen Dillane (never heard of him) is similarly wonderful as Thomas Jefferson. Both of them look so much like their characters that it’s creepy. David Morse, another fine actor, is wonderful as George Washington, although he isn’t quite the carbon copy that Wilkinson is to his role. Anyway, I highly recommend you give the series a shot sometime.

I suppose that’s about all for now. Talk to you again soon!